I started spotting!!! Already!! Now, for those of you that don't know, I had a miscarriage before I got pregnant with my son. So, miscarriage is not just a fear for me, it is a reality. I almost feel like I have to have a miscarriage before I can have a healthy pregnancy. I hope history does not repeat itself! I would like to be convinced that a positive pregnancy test can mean a healthy baby in about 9 months! But-there's not much you can do to calm yourself in the first trimester. Especially this early, you don't feel a baby moving, you haven't seen a baby on an US, and you just don't have any signs of being pregnant except for a pee stick that says "pregnant". And, the morning I learned I was miscarrying, I got a pregnant reading from one of these tests. SO, I have resided myself to worrying. I am telling myself it is OKay to worry, it's only natural. But-I won't let worrying be the only thing going on in my life.
How did I get to this worry this time?
Saturday I took a 15 mile bike ride. I have done 3 triathlons this season & felt well trained. Instead of riding 17-18 mph, I rode 15 mph. I took it down a notch. I came home to find bleeding, which has been common since I got my new bike. But then I got brown spotting that was coming from inside, ending what was common. That scared the bejeebers out of me. I also had back cramping. But-all has subsided. By Sunday afternoon, everything was calm...except me, but I am calming down. I am writing this blog to myself, to remind myself that I don't want to go through these fears anymore. I am excited to be pregnant, I hope this pregnancy lasts in my heart or hearts, but I don't want this emotional anxiety anymore. It's not good for me and it's not good for my family! We want one more kid & I can't let baby fever talk me into more than two! I do get baby fever!
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