Preschool

Am I ready? Am I really ready to turn my son over to someone else for five hours? Am I really ready to let someone else teach him things? Am I ready for him to come home and say things and do things & not know exactly what happened? No. I am not ready.

Of course, tonight is the night before preschool. I can see him in the video monitor sleeping soundly & everyone knows that is when your child looks the best...when they are asleep. I don't want someone else to have time with him. I want all of his time. Stephen looks like a little angel and always has since birth. He's always had a face that I have called the "porcelain doll" look. My stress about school right now is high. It's the night before. I have put his school stuff together. We took a big shirt & decorated it earlier today to be his art shirt. Daddy took him shopping tonight for a new backpack. We played school tonight with Daddy to practice going to school & reminding him that Mommy will come pick him up. I have printed out a picture of us to put in his lunchbox. I feel like I have done everything I can--except realize that my child is no longer just mine. I am slowly not going to influence his life completely. Other people are going to come into his life. I have to back off. It's hard. I want him to grow up to be confident and successful. I know this is all part of giving him the opportunity to grow that way. Thank goodness I am dropping him off and going straight to the church for my Moms support group meeting.

I am trying to make myself think about him banging. That's his newest Mommy annoyance tactic. He bangs on everything, especially when I am trying to get Joshua to sleep. If I think about the banging, I am more at peace with sending him to preschool. At school, he won't be bored enough to bang. Someone else has the time and talent to keep him entertained & keep him learning so we won't have a chance to bang. I am sure that his teacher will never know that banging is even a problem in this household right now.

I am saying a prayer that the teacher be given the love to keep Stephen content at school. I pray that Stephen finds a happy place there. I pray that the other children are influenced by Stephen well and that they interact well with Stephen.

I also pray that Joshua can deal with all the Mommy that is about to fall on him...because...his little world is still all me.

Thank God for all the blessings that I have in my life...that this is the stressful thing. What a blessing.